Tough

I was unaware that last Saturday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day until I read several blogs on the issue.  I, also, am one of the 1 in 4 that have lost a baby due to miscarriage.  This is a difficult issue for me, even though it has been four years since our loss.  It was tough.

I was so excited when we found out we were pregnant, it happened very quickly for us.  I was in law school and we had insurance, but I had just added maternity insurance.  We went to the doctor to confirm the home test and my doctor did an ultrasound and said the baby was due in February and my conception date was 2 weeks before my insurance would kick in, so no coverage.  Well, that was ok b/c at that point I had no idea how much a baby would cost so that didn't weigh on my mind too much b/c let's face it, we were HAVING A BABY!  But after the ultrasound he turned to my husband and said "You know, one out of every four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage so don't get too excited."  Really?!?  That's what you tell first time parents!  I was six weeks along.

So, we went home and decided we would tell our parents.  We told mine and they were excited.  We then went to Dustin's parents house and I felt funny.  I went to the bathroom and began bleeding so we went immediately home without talking to them.  They came over to our house later, and we had to tell them that we thought we had lost the baby.  It was tough.

This happened on a Saturday so I finally got in touch with my doctor and his response was "Well, maybe next time you'll have insurance."  Really?!?  Needless to say, he is no longer my OB/GYN. 

I have a friend in BR who is an excellent OB/GYN so we called him and decided to take a drive down there to let him check me out.  Long story short, I ended up having a D & C.  (All I can remember is the nurse kept beating my hand trying to find a vein for the IV and saying "I'm usually on pediatrics and this is a big needle!" Very helpful at this point!). 

It was a very difficult time and I cried a lot during that time and had a lot of questions.  I was so blessed with wonderful husband, family and friends that were there for me.  I got the sweetest note from my daddy that next day and he's not a man of many words. 
I can say that 3 months later I was elated to find out I was pregnant again, but also very cautious.  I couldn't get too excited.  However, my wonderful friend and doctor in BR (yes, I drove 3 hours one-way for all appts) helped me through everything and I delivered a healthy baby girl on July 31, 2008.

I know I would not be blessed with my wonderful AL and KT had I not had that miscarriage.  Also, it is much more common than you think.  I have had the opportunity to use this experience to comfort others and show them that God is good even in our darkest moments. 

Also, recently I realized that this pain does not just come to women who have miscarriages.  This pain is felt by women who plan to adoption, have infertility issues, and I'm sure I'm leaving out other women too.  If your heart is given to a baby, whether growing inside you, through adoption, or the desire and everyday struggle of conceiving, you go through the same process when you realize that dream will not come to fruition. So, as women, let's try to remember that.

Please be kind to others and remember that you don't know their circumstance or what they may have gone through lately.