Friday, June 15, 2012

Pregnancy Etiquette

For those of you who do not know, my cousin Rebecca is due to have her first child on December 5 (one day after my due date).  Yesterday we were talking about the impolite things people have said to us.  Rebecca said "Growing up I always thought I'd enjoy being pregnant but I don't know anymore."  So, for the few of you who read this I'm going to give some tips on what not to do or say to pregnant women!
  1. Do NOT touch a pregnant belly without permission.  This is my number one because I have a real thing about my personal space.  This applies especially during the first trimester and into the first part of the second.  If I cannot feel movement, you definitely cannot feel it!  Also, I do not go up and rub on your belly, shoulders, or back so I expect the same courtesy.  Again, some pregnant people do not mind you rubbing on their belly but I have a real thing about that! 
  2. Do NOT ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you already know she is that way.  It's very embarrassing for someone to ask this to a woman who is not having a child.  
  3. On the same note, do not ask a woman when she is going to get pregnant.  Pregnancy does not "just happen".  You do not know their situations.  There are many issues out there that affect pregnancy.  You do not know if someone is trying to conceive or maybe had a miscarriage they are open about with you.  PLEASE be sensitive to women because we are sensitive people!
  4. Do not use any of the following to describe a pregnant woman: whale, blimp, cow, pig, bigger, large, about to pop, 
  5. Do not insist that she is having twins because "she is just SO big".  You may politely ask if it's twins but do not insist multiple times that its twins because of her size.
  6. Asking if I know "how that happens" is inappropriate.  If you ask this question you may be embarrassed by my response.  It's not rocket science!
  7. Guessing the sex of the baby because of "where I'm carrying the weight" is not polite either.  I know everyone likes to say women who are having boys carry the weight in their back side and thighs, but that's just not correct and not polite.  If you say this I may have another response you will not like.  I don't know what I'm having this time, but I know that I have gained much more weight in my boobs (with all pregnancies).  So you may get a view of that!
  8. Do not ask how much weight I've gained.  
  9. Do not tell me I look miserable or any synonym of that word.
  10. Do tell me if you think I look like I feel good or have this "glow" people see.  I feel fat at this point, so any positive comments are welcome.  As you can see, any negative comment is remembered! 
  11. If you ask me about breastfeeding and I tell you I am not doing that do not judge me on the spot, try to sell me on breastfeeding, tell me all the negatives and things my child will lose because I'm not doing it. I think breastfeeding is a wonderful thing but it's not for me.  I've had two children that turned out great and did not breastfeed.  (Again, this is a personal choice that came after a lot you do not know.  I think it's a wonderful thing for those who do that).
  12. Any genuine advice is welcomed. While I have two children it does not mean that I know everything, so all thoughtful advice welcome.
A few comments given to either Rebecca or me (this includes all my pregnancies):

  1. You are having a boy because your face is "all broke out" (not my terminology but the nice comment giver).  Oh yeah girl, it's everywhere.
  2. When I was 7 months with Addie Lee and riding the elevator to my 7 month appointment a woman asked "Are you going in to have your baby today?".  I had to inform her that I had 2 months left before I was due and as a side note they do not deliver babies in a doctor's office but in the new place called a hospital.
  3. I also had a woman at a restaurant I went to a lot insist on multiple occasions that I was having twins because I was so big.  Hence the above faux pas.
  4. There was a pregnant and a not pregnant in this situation where a woman said to the not pregnant (with both women standing there):  "It looks like not pregnant has lost weight and pregnant has gained it all!".  Very helpful!
  5. I'm not saying you're fat but it's gonna be a boy because it's just in "that area".
  6. While I was pregnant with my second I had someone tell me "I don't think anyone should have more than one child." (this coming from a person with two children).

If you have any fun comments to add, please let me know!  This was meant to be fun so take it lightly.  If you are offended by any of it that was not my intention.  But please be mindful, especially of my personal space!

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